My friend and co-worker informed me today via Yahoo! Messenger (a very dangerous internet "tool" for work) that one of his upcoming tattoos would say "Suicidal Sunrises" - a reference to how he and his bros in his motorcycle group lived, loved, and worked like there would be no tomorrow. I commented that my blog title, Laughter At Dawn, was pretty much the opposite of that. Though both images revolve around the first morning sun, I felt like the first phrase was an ending grounded in passionate extinction, and my blog title was a beginning grounded in newborn hope (perhaps in spite of all reason). Not that I'm better or anything :0) Absolve me - I'm just writing a blog here.
It got me thinking. He explained that all that passionate exhaustion of self was done in service to each other, their families, and their callings. The dreamy, idealistic part of me really likes the thought of pouring oneself out at that level. The rational, pragmatic streak says calmly that since actually you probably have a while beyond sunrise to live, you'll probably best serve everyone by pacing yourself at a sustainable level and planning for the future.
And then there is the internal anxiety I've put on myself in times past (like 2 weekends ago) by thinking I only have a limited amount of time to process huge amounts of information about life and living and come up with airtight answers to the complexity and messiness Right Now. I don't like that pressure at all. It's bad and unhealthy, both spiritually and physically. For me, I think I'll take the long view of sunrises, and laugh for love of the beauty each one brings to light.
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2 comments:
Airtight Answers, I love 'em.
I also love trying to nail Jell-o to a wall.
However, I wouldn't go THIS
http://www.myscienceproject.org/j-wall.html
far.
and, DO Forget Ramen, it's cheating! :>) -- D.
Jenn pointed out to me that perhaps people would have a different day of living their last day on earth than being wild and doing every last daring thing they had always wanted to do. I add this because it might change what your suicidal sunrise looks like. Still, I gotta say "suicidal sunrise" is such a dramatic way of saying it, that it brings to mind crazy living.
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