the year's twilight

lately:
-$4 lip gloss yay
-hugging Trin
-rain and introversion
-facebook albums
-soup
-$15 Manolo Blahniks
-wise housing choices
-ipod sermons
-cliffhanger book ending
-rich dad poor dad
-peaceful, tidy room
-desiring contentment in all things

Thank you, 2006. It's been a good year.
Philippians 4:11-13

home sweet san dog

Just called five people about possible housing in San Diego. Eeee!! Weird how some simple things can be rather exhausting. Though it's possible that the fact that I got up 2 hours earlier than usual this morning and that it's now midnight might be a contributing factor... Well, I really like the sound of this one place and have talked to 2 of the girls living there. It would be great if I got it.

Hugs to all! I'm feeling teddy-bear-ish.

girly frivolities and axle grease

In general I'm not real thrilled with all the chain stores that smother America. I noticed it a lot coming back, that practically all the stores around are chains. Cloned plastic and steel rectangles of predictable and indeed confusingly similar stores. Haven't you ever been in a Target in a new city and had that disorienting feeling that you could be anywhere in the US? Granted, I like Target a lot. Better than, say, K-Mart or Jo-Ann Fabrics. But still... when I have to remind myself of my geographic location while shopping, it's a bit of a turn off.

And yet I have to say that I LOVE Payless Shoe Store. Yes, it smells funny, yes, half the shoes are plastic. But I have been waiting to go to a Payless for 8 months! They had Payless in Australia but it was different. The selection was pretty limited, the styles were tacky, and worst of all, they only had a few pairs of shoes in my tiny foot size. [side note: Australia's got Target too but it's like a ghetto K-Mart. Not just K-Mart. A ghetto K-Mart. So sad.] So today I borrowed a friend's car for a few hours and almost the first place I went was Payless Shoes. Imagine my ecstatic expression when I saw three quarters of a wall of shoes in my size! And more than that, they have varied, cute, trendy styles, and they're cheap without being junky! It meant I was finally, finally able to find a pair of slip-on flats to wear with my skirts that weren't an inch too long. They are berry colored and have a medium-width ribbon threading in and out around the rim with a nice bow at the front of the opening. (Rim? is this what one calls the edge opening of a shoe where one inserts one's foot? 'Hole' was the only other word I could come up with, and it sounds unattractive.)

OH! and as I was writing this blog post I got a phone call from my mechanic who says the first guy who checked on my car had checked it with the engine flooded and was totally wrong, so rather than needing $1000 worth of new engine it just needs some gas and a good service, and that so far what he's done will cost me $20. That is 2% of what I was budgeting for. That's almost the best news I've heard in three months.

cultcha shock

I'm back in the US, back in San Diego. 8 months isn't a very long time in the scheme of things, but it is a long time to be out of your country. All these things that used to be and should be familiar and habitual are not, and it's kind of unsettling. So much for culture shock.
But truly I do love the bones of this city. The hills, the desert, the coast, the freeways. Welcome back, Julie.

in which All Is Revealed

I haven't really said much of substance in the last month. That's because I was waiting to see how things were going to turn out and didn't have a lot to talk about while I was in limbo. But now it's all settled.

On December 13 I will depart Australia to return to the U.S. I have eaten enough mangoes and kiwis to last me for months -- I'm actually tired of them, which I would have said was impossible, and I am ready to come back HOME.

And between now and then I am having myself a vacation!!! I've already spent the last two days seeing all the bits of Sydney that I hadn't been to and wanted to, and on Tuesday I fly up to Cairns to see the rainforest and the Great Barrier Reef for 4 1/2 days! I have never been on a tropical vacation before, and man am I excited. This is one of the great natural wonders of the world, and I get to see it!! I will take lots of pictures for you, but it won't be the same as actually being there, feeling the air and the ocean and the sand and the water, smelling the salt, getting brown, getting back to the hotel at the end of the day exhausted, sandy, warm, and oh so happy.

Then when I get back to Sydney Keryn and I are going bushwalking for a day.

Already I've visited:
-Watson's Bay
-South Head
-Sydney Aquarium
-Royal Botanical Gardens
-got back from the last two this afternoon and was all hot and sweaty so I went swimming in the sea at 5 o' clock. It was great.

I'm also going home to Michigan for the holidays, which is exciting. Time to transition, process, love my family, remember how I hate the cold, see Anneli, re-evaluate, get pointed in the next direction. I'm excited about this adventure. AAAAHHHH!!!!

that would do for a last evening on the planet

I can't tell you how lovely tonight was. I got to listen to people. And I got to pray. There was one woman who I'd met a few months before when she had been habitually hard and angry, but tonight I got to hear her story of the last little while and see how she is a completely different person, resting in the Lord and in love with God like she never had been before. After the (really good) service she came back to me and thanked me and blessed me with words of encouragement. On the shuttle back to the trains I talked with the driver who I've been getting to know a little over the past 6 months. I got to heard his story of this past year and some things that are weighing him down this week. He's been such a willing and cheerful servant/friend to me and the others who ride the shuttle bus, I've been glad and grateful for it. And I got to tell him so, and pray for him as he embarks on new things. Tonight was precious. It's what it's all about.

What's with you today?

I have a better question for you, Joe. What's with today, today?

hipster specs

I like, and possibly love, Rob Bell. I listen to his church's sermons every week through the brilliance of podcasting. I think the two Nooma videos I've seen of his are v. v. cool. So I was tickled pink to see this excellent spoof of him on YouTube (which is my new favorite timewaster). If you've seen a Nooma film you'll get it, otherwise probably not.

One-Minute Sam and Aziz the Ghost

That would make a really cool title for a one-act play (I only say this because it reminds me of the title of the one-act play Binky Rudich and the Two-Speed Clock) but it's actually the nicknames I made up today for our two cooks at Sabbaba. Whenever you ask Sam if your order is done yet he always says, "One minute." And Aziz is a ghost today because he got off work at 4 but had to wait around till we closed at 10 because he and Sam share a car and live far away, so he was drifting around getting in the way all night. But he's delightful. He's a FLIRT. A cute Indian Muslim kitchen boy and a flirt. (And yes, I flirt right back.)

Also, I have now been asked why don't I become a nun.

Also, I have my first Sunday off of work since June!!!

Also, I am at a genuine crossroads in my life. How about that.

currently listening: James Blunt

I work nights the rest of this week until the weekend. This means I have absolutely no excuse not to go running every morning. Ugh! It's so healthy I can't stand it! But it (running) seems to be something I'm doing at the moment, despite my own disbelief as I head out in the morning about 3 times a week and mechanically start going through the jogging motions till it becomes loose and speedy. I even listen to sermons while running (it occupies my attention better than music) so it's doubly healthful. It all makes me want to take up smoking and 3am parties.

In other news, Australia sprang forward and the rest of the civilised English-speaking world fell back, so now when it's 9am here it's 5pm in Michigan instead of 7pm. Drat. Makes phone calls less convenient.

I've gotten (gone?) back to reading books. Today I actually read as I walked to work, doing just like Belle in Beauty and the Beast, reading and magically able to weave through the people on the sidewalk. I always used to do this in the halls between classes in middle school until I realized it would improve my social standing if I kept my book addiction a little more discreet. I had three days off in a row last week and read three books. I haven't done that for ages either. The concept of 'story' used to fascinate me and occupy me much as community and Kingdom-building occupies me right now, and it's been like returning to myself to be revisiting this hunger for fiction, for story, for redemption drama.

fyi

Today I bought two Bibles and three shirts and breakfast with a friend.

I also found a website devoted to having really long hair and determined that long hair is gross.

It's a rainy early summer night here in ol' Sydney. Another week gone by, another amazing Sunday finished, another week peeking around the horizon waiting for dawn to unfold. I anticipate confidence and beauty, change and fear, dwelling and restlessness - the mixture I've been getting most weeks, and one that never grows old. I love Jesus Christ. No white bread life for me, but one that's robust, flavorful, strong, nourishing. Amen.

1 1/2 years out of college and I'm technologically illiterate

Well, it feels that way anyway. I have just gone to Blogger beta on this site, and in the last week acquired a MySpace page and a Facebook page (I think it's facebook... maybe another such site... I can't remember) and don't really know how to use either of the two latter. Also apparently people get notified I'm on MySpace without my mentioning it to them, cause two of my friends have contacted me to be added to Friends. Thanks to them I have two friends :-) other than that my pages are daunting and blank. Yay. I feel like my mother, who recently wrote me that a year ago she couldn't even have spelled "laptop."

I celebrate technology outpacing me by eating a dinner of dark chocolate alternated with raw walnuts, the kind of meal that feels great going down but pretty foolish thereafter. But I was noticing today that over half of my diet is fruits and vegetables. There's a little whole grain bread, some chicken, nuts and seeds, occasional beef or seafood, and some sugar and chocolate and coffee. That's generally what I eat. Not too bad, I thought. I think for dessert I'll go have a piece of toast with half an avocado spread on it and slices of tomato and seasoned with salt, pepper, and cayenne :-)

So today I sat next to a snappily dressed young woman on the bus who was evidently a director of movies, and she was on the phone counseling a friend of hers who was trying to find a partner. The kind of partner to "be" with. (Don't you love euphemisms?) Sample sentence: "It's like you're casting the leading man in your own romantic movie." I don't want to get into details because the whole conversation left a bit of a grimace on my face but basically I came away thinking how messed up modern relationships are with the whole sexual freedom thing having come in and undermined the reasons for marriage, and also how Sydney it is to have women acting like they're lofty princesses for whom men must vie with each other for the privilege of pleasing and whose feet men must kiss. Jeez.

Today I also got my hair colored for $20 at a sweet funky salon that has won awards, cause Keryn's cousin works there and needs people to practice/play on for some course he's doing. He's good. My hair is darker brown now, which is good, but sadly still reddish, which I'm so sick of even though everyone says how well red becomes me. I want earthy and not so warm. I want normal boring Sandra Bullock/ Jennifer Lopez tone on tone brown hair. My new color also has trendy random blond highlights among the medium reddish brown, just a few, in the middle layers of my hair so only the ends show through. It's fine. It's not making me ecstatic but I am sure I'll get compliments on it, and it was certainly worth the price!

Today I also changed my earrings three times. Cuz I'm an earring junkie.

fragment

light

Keryn asked me the other day what was most important to me, what I needed. For herself she could not be whole without God, and her family, and dance. I replied, Jesus, community, and... I laughed as it came to me... sunshine.

What is it with light? What is so fascinating to me about it? The radiant golden floods of daylight that the early afternoon sun pours out is the kind of light I feel most at home in. It feels like home. It feels natural and comfortable, an outward match of what is inside me.

Some of my best times are directly related to the light. I hold precious the memory of the summer I spent working myself to exhaustion five days a week planting things at a garden center, because as the summer progressed I got in the habit of going to bed around 9pm and getting up at 5 to spend 45 minutes of free time in the newborn morning light with some black tea [laced with vanilla and maple syrup] and one of two Christian books that fed me that season. Being up before anyone else in the house is stirring has always been something I love, and though I can enjoy staying up late at night for the same reason that no one else is awake, the thin early sun is more than reason enough to make mornings my preferred time to lose sleep.

Walks coming home from work can, on certain shifts, hit sunset or dusk just right. Tonight, for example, the sun was setting back behind the city skyline in streaks of red and pink and orange and lavender. On the other side of the sky the moon was rising high over the ocean as it does every night, white luminescence against a deep blue backdrop. I probably spent as much time staring up at either side as I did where I was going. The moon does things to me. Makes my mind go a little bit spaced out. Lunatic. My friend Craig who spent five years in the bush with the aborigines doing nothing said he got so attuned to his body and the natural world around him that he could feel his breathing shift when the moon rose so that even if he was not in sight of the moon he knew when it came up.

apparently Prada = hell

I watched a movie tonight. That's right. The Devil Wears Prada. Now from what I can tell (contrary to frequent expectation I am totally out of it as far as knowing what's playing, esp. on tv) stuff hits Oz ages after it comes out in the US, so probably this film is long gone where you are. But I saw it tonight. And I was disturbed. Jennica, this post is for you, babe ;-)

So in this film Anne Hathaway plays a smart, pretty college grad who really wants to be a journalist [and write for liberal publications] but in the meantime she's paying the bills and making contacts working as a personal assistant for the editor-in-chief (Meryl Streep) of what is basically Vogue magazine, a job that lots of girls would kill for but she's not that into it. The movie spends most of its time depicting her increasing entwinement with her job as her boss calls her at all hours and the job slowly becomes her life, pushing out her friends, her boyfriend, blah blah.

Here's why I don't feel like I wasted my money: Anne Hathaway has got the most beautiful shape mouth, and her eyes stayed soft all through the NYC stress.

Here's why I was horrified (you may notice I took everything very personally):

-How can she race around in those heels all day? Her feet must be cramping up allll the time. and she must need a full body massage every day.

-why isn't she sick? I would be sick! I would be dying from stress after three weeks on this job. (actually I'd have quit it after two.) To quote Han Solo: No reward is worth this!

-even before she got all glam looking it said she was always behind on her rent- so now where is she getting the money for her expensive makeup, her taxis, her things she buys as part of the job?

-heels, uncomfortable clothing, no time to exercise, moving at a fast pace but with tense energy all day long, a boss who is only happy when her employees are panicked and/or suicidal, being told that size 6 is fat all day long, no time to eat, no time to invest in relationships, having to be a slave to your cell phone at all times, always on the point of being ready to jump when The Boss whispers and with an ear constantly strained to catch that whisper, never being thanked -- I hate corporate and I hate all that New York implies for me, thanks to this movie [right now].

-the fashion industry, while it may be a 30 billion dollar one, is founded on... nothing. Ok, it's founded on looks. but to paraphrase the boyfriend, "You gave up your friends, your family, for what? for shoes. for shirts. for belts." It's this bubble. It rests on nothing, and it doesn't notice. It exists, but it's in a loop, there's no Jesus or family ties or world-bettering legacy that even the world would acknowledge worthy that it's founded on. It's self-perpetuating, and it's hell.

-Anne Hathaway's character was dangerously close to basing her self-worth on being able to satisfy her boss, whether that was coming from her need for approval or her determination that she would show the dragon lady that she could do the job. Actually if I were in the same position as she was I'd have done a lot worse than her -- part of the reason I'd have quit after two weeks. The dread of it would have done me in, but her character didn't seem to have as much anxious need to please this remote queen of put-downs as I would have, which I found admirable. And when Anne finally got the "compliment" that Ms. Editor saw a lot of herself in Anne, it was only then that she, Anne, saw that that was not the road she wanted to be heading down.

- I was painfully reminded of my job with Dr. G and how I was essentially owned by her while I was at work. Had to do some of the same kinds of errand running and impossible call making too. But the pace was a lot more tolerable as Dr. G was about 25 years older than Meryl Streep's character.

-the boyfriend. how could she be unaware of the lack of relationship that was happening as she worked all these months at this magazine? how could she just not seem to notice that the only contact she and her guy had was sleeping together every now and then, despite the fact they live in the same apartment? that's not a relationship!! didn't this trouble her? didn't she at least miss it?

-is it really that easy to get back together? you go to paris and sleep with a player who's been flirting with you for months and then when you've made the revelation and thrown your cell phone in the fancy fountain and tell your bf you're really sorry, even though he just broke up with you last week you he can say it's okay, I just got a job in Boston, let's move there. That's it? No more discussion necessary? Either that guy is full of grace, or he's banking on a long history together proving itself worthwhile in the end, or inertia is easier and more comfortable. Jeez.

Then I rode home after waiting for my first bus for 40 minutes, and the second bus from Bondi Junction was crammed full of Friday night holidaymakers in states from tipsy to drunk and swearing. Remind me to take the back-route 389 home and not the 380 next time.

But now that I'm here, I am so relieved and grateful to live in the world I live in. I just went downstairs for some peppermint tea and Brian and Julie, the middle-aged couple who have let me live in their upstairs, were on the sofa watching an older period miniseries. Brian was sitting upright on the sofa and Julie was lying with her head on the sofa arm and her legs across Brian's lap, his arms around her knees. It was so great to see a couple married for that long lounging around like teenagers. Julie may sometimes remind me of Miss Bates from Emma, and her jumpers may have no style (ditto Brian's khakis) but you know what? I would be glad and grateful to be them in 40 years rather than beautiful empty Lucifer wearing Prada.

more love more music

Yesterday, Monday, was my day off of work. Sunday had hit about 34 (90 fahrenheit) so I took it as a personal insult when the temps dropped 20C overnight. My day off which was to be spent mucking about on the beach had to be transmuted into a couple hours at the beach wearing a sweater and jeans. I ate a lot of toast and butter yesterday and read an entire book, No Compromise: the life story of Keith Green. It's a book that will change my life if I let it get in me and don't just end up going oh yeah, great book, moved me to tears. I'm praying that I won't turn my heart off towards how deep it touched me.

Today I had a headache for half a day, and I practically never get headaches, so I took it as a personal answer to prayer that the weather continued to suck and be cloudy and cool because I did a 7 hour shift at Sabbaba and I really don't think I would have gone well if it had become busy. Work... I have this feeling that my bosses, the two owners of the cafe, don't like me. Or rather don't like to work with me. I'm not sure why, though I have a couple ideas. It can make it a bit dreadful to head to work some days (today was one of them) but generally it turns out better than the dread expects. Dread is the worst. Ricky the cook from Fiji has the best dreds I've ever seen.

I've been bringing a few of my own mix cd's to play at work now that the owner/ music dictator is in Europe for 3 weeks, and I am proud to say that I am not only putting Sabbaba through the school of rock, I am also infiltrating it with the occasional non-obvious worship song.
Jars of Clay
Something Like Silas
Badly Drawn Boy
Spock's Beard
Belle and Sebastian
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Jason Mraz
Maroon 5
Pixies
Radiohead
Gorillaz
Coldplay
etc.

Exciting is life, is it not.

thoughts that have crossed lately:
-where can I invest my life in ministry?!!
-oh my gosh I'm moving in less than 2 months
-man I wish I had real friends in San Diego
-I still have two books I borrowed from Ryan
-why can't I kick the angst today?
-one thing I've learned in Sydney is not to keep silent out of fear
-men can get very crabby when they have to ask for help
-in a bikini I'm just one more body on the beach
-I would feel guilty leaving Australia not having seen at least the Great Barrier Reef, but I don't have much inclination to plan to see it, what with plane ticket costs and already being sensitive to the little time I have left with my friends here
-how weird would it be if I went to Hillsong Leadership College and ended up marrying an Australian and living in Australia
-I miss drip coffee
-it is incredible that I live on a sunny second floor with four rooms and a kitchenette, can go for a run and a lie on the beach and a swim and work 8 hours all in the same day
-I think I have to find a new place to live in SD... don't think the old one is still available
-the LORD is my shepherd, there is nothing that I lack
-phone calls are backed up but at least I got through the emailing
-tonight is a chocolate night and I'm considering wine as well
-really need to vaccuum my living room
-sunshine IS redemptive

what you've been waiting for!

Pictures from Japan. Oh yes :-) Comments included on some photos. I think you can see my other album from Ryan's visit to Sydney too if you like. Let me know if it works. There should be about 45 pictures and the link should take you to the detail view, which lets you read photo titles and any descriptions I added.

for all you visual and otherwise curious people, click here.

with a digital camera you can afford to be silly

Australian still life: in this photo you will see
A) 80th Anniversary Commemorative Collectible Vegemite Glass [vegemite is a toxic war ration dark greenish-brown yeast spread that Aussies inexplicably eat like it's peanut butter. See this truly snort-laugh-worthy link for more information. go. now. you know you want to.]
B) mug of "Tasty" peppermint tea in Noah's Ark mug. Marketing is so touchingly simple here sometimes, the dear souls :)
C) money from my wallet. 1000 Japanese yen, 10 and 5 Australian dollars, 1 US dollar.
D) ZonePerfect bar. Notice the price tag, if your eyes are that good. YOWZERS!!! (or would it be "yowsers" in this country's spelling...) $3.50. Exchange rate notwithstanding (1 AUD = .75 USD) that is still really really expensive. And totally normal. This is the most expensive city I have ever been in. And you thought California was bad.

















and kids? oh yeah :) I'm going to Japan tomorrow.

some pictures

Mom wanted to see my dress.















Australia is pretty. This is Snowy River country, as in The Man From Snowy River. I went skiing for two days about an hour's drive from here.















Answered phones for two weeks at an accounting business. Supplementary income while the cafe was dead mid-winter.