the year's twilight

lately:
-$4 lip gloss yay
-hugging Trin
-rain and introversion
-facebook albums
-soup
-$15 Manolo Blahniks
-wise housing choices
-ipod sermons
-cliffhanger book ending
-rich dad poor dad
-peaceful, tidy room
-desiring contentment in all things

Thank you, 2006. It's been a good year.
Philippians 4:11-13

home sweet san dog

Just called five people about possible housing in San Diego. Eeee!! Weird how some simple things can be rather exhausting. Though it's possible that the fact that I got up 2 hours earlier than usual this morning and that it's now midnight might be a contributing factor... Well, I really like the sound of this one place and have talked to 2 of the girls living there. It would be great if I got it.

Hugs to all! I'm feeling teddy-bear-ish.

girly frivolities and axle grease

In general I'm not real thrilled with all the chain stores that smother America. I noticed it a lot coming back, that practically all the stores around are chains. Cloned plastic and steel rectangles of predictable and indeed confusingly similar stores. Haven't you ever been in a Target in a new city and had that disorienting feeling that you could be anywhere in the US? Granted, I like Target a lot. Better than, say, K-Mart or Jo-Ann Fabrics. But still... when I have to remind myself of my geographic location while shopping, it's a bit of a turn off.

And yet I have to say that I LOVE Payless Shoe Store. Yes, it smells funny, yes, half the shoes are plastic. But I have been waiting to go to a Payless for 8 months! They had Payless in Australia but it was different. The selection was pretty limited, the styles were tacky, and worst of all, they only had a few pairs of shoes in my tiny foot size. [side note: Australia's got Target too but it's like a ghetto K-Mart. Not just K-Mart. A ghetto K-Mart. So sad.] So today I borrowed a friend's car for a few hours and almost the first place I went was Payless Shoes. Imagine my ecstatic expression when I saw three quarters of a wall of shoes in my size! And more than that, they have varied, cute, trendy styles, and they're cheap without being junky! It meant I was finally, finally able to find a pair of slip-on flats to wear with my skirts that weren't an inch too long. They are berry colored and have a medium-width ribbon threading in and out around the rim with a nice bow at the front of the opening. (Rim? is this what one calls the edge opening of a shoe where one inserts one's foot? 'Hole' was the only other word I could come up with, and it sounds unattractive.)

OH! and as I was writing this blog post I got a phone call from my mechanic who says the first guy who checked on my car had checked it with the engine flooded and was totally wrong, so rather than needing $1000 worth of new engine it just needs some gas and a good service, and that so far what he's done will cost me $20. That is 2% of what I was budgeting for. That's almost the best news I've heard in three months.

cultcha shock

I'm back in the US, back in San Diego. 8 months isn't a very long time in the scheme of things, but it is a long time to be out of your country. All these things that used to be and should be familiar and habitual are not, and it's kind of unsettling. So much for culture shock.
But truly I do love the bones of this city. The hills, the desert, the coast, the freeways. Welcome back, Julie.

in which All Is Revealed

I haven't really said much of substance in the last month. That's because I was waiting to see how things were going to turn out and didn't have a lot to talk about while I was in limbo. But now it's all settled.

On December 13 I will depart Australia to return to the U.S. I have eaten enough mangoes and kiwis to last me for months -- I'm actually tired of them, which I would have said was impossible, and I am ready to come back HOME.

And between now and then I am having myself a vacation!!! I've already spent the last two days seeing all the bits of Sydney that I hadn't been to and wanted to, and on Tuesday I fly up to Cairns to see the rainforest and the Great Barrier Reef for 4 1/2 days! I have never been on a tropical vacation before, and man am I excited. This is one of the great natural wonders of the world, and I get to see it!! I will take lots of pictures for you, but it won't be the same as actually being there, feeling the air and the ocean and the sand and the water, smelling the salt, getting brown, getting back to the hotel at the end of the day exhausted, sandy, warm, and oh so happy.

Then when I get back to Sydney Keryn and I are going bushwalking for a day.

Already I've visited:
-Watson's Bay
-South Head
-Sydney Aquarium
-Royal Botanical Gardens
-got back from the last two this afternoon and was all hot and sweaty so I went swimming in the sea at 5 o' clock. It was great.

I'm also going home to Michigan for the holidays, which is exciting. Time to transition, process, love my family, remember how I hate the cold, see Anneli, re-evaluate, get pointed in the next direction. I'm excited about this adventure. AAAAHHHH!!!!

that would do for a last evening on the planet

I can't tell you how lovely tonight was. I got to listen to people. And I got to pray. There was one woman who I'd met a few months before when she had been habitually hard and angry, but tonight I got to hear her story of the last little while and see how she is a completely different person, resting in the Lord and in love with God like she never had been before. After the (really good) service she came back to me and thanked me and blessed me with words of encouragement. On the shuttle back to the trains I talked with the driver who I've been getting to know a little over the past 6 months. I got to heard his story of this past year and some things that are weighing him down this week. He's been such a willing and cheerful servant/friend to me and the others who ride the shuttle bus, I've been glad and grateful for it. And I got to tell him so, and pray for him as he embarks on new things. Tonight was precious. It's what it's all about.

What's with you today?

I have a better question for you, Joe. What's with today, today?

hipster specs

I like, and possibly love, Rob Bell. I listen to his church's sermons every week through the brilliance of podcasting. I think the two Nooma videos I've seen of his are v. v. cool. So I was tickled pink to see this excellent spoof of him on YouTube (which is my new favorite timewaster). If you've seen a Nooma film you'll get it, otherwise probably not.

One-Minute Sam and Aziz the Ghost

That would make a really cool title for a one-act play (I only say this because it reminds me of the title of the one-act play Binky Rudich and the Two-Speed Clock) but it's actually the nicknames I made up today for our two cooks at Sabbaba. Whenever you ask Sam if your order is done yet he always says, "One minute." And Aziz is a ghost today because he got off work at 4 but had to wait around till we closed at 10 because he and Sam share a car and live far away, so he was drifting around getting in the way all night. But he's delightful. He's a FLIRT. A cute Indian Muslim kitchen boy and a flirt. (And yes, I flirt right back.)

Also, I have now been asked why don't I become a nun.

Also, I have my first Sunday off of work since June!!!

Also, I am at a genuine crossroads in my life. How about that.

currently listening: James Blunt

I work nights the rest of this week until the weekend. This means I have absolutely no excuse not to go running every morning. Ugh! It's so healthy I can't stand it! But it (running) seems to be something I'm doing at the moment, despite my own disbelief as I head out in the morning about 3 times a week and mechanically start going through the jogging motions till it becomes loose and speedy. I even listen to sermons while running (it occupies my attention better than music) so it's doubly healthful. It all makes me want to take up smoking and 3am parties.

In other news, Australia sprang forward and the rest of the civilised English-speaking world fell back, so now when it's 9am here it's 5pm in Michigan instead of 7pm. Drat. Makes phone calls less convenient.

I've gotten (gone?) back to reading books. Today I actually read as I walked to work, doing just like Belle in Beauty and the Beast, reading and magically able to weave through the people on the sidewalk. I always used to do this in the halls between classes in middle school until I realized it would improve my social standing if I kept my book addiction a little more discreet. I had three days off in a row last week and read three books. I haven't done that for ages either. The concept of 'story' used to fascinate me and occupy me much as community and Kingdom-building occupies me right now, and it's been like returning to myself to be revisiting this hunger for fiction, for story, for redemption drama.

fyi

Today I bought two Bibles and three shirts and breakfast with a friend.

I also found a website devoted to having really long hair and determined that long hair is gross.

It's a rainy early summer night here in ol' Sydney. Another week gone by, another amazing Sunday finished, another week peeking around the horizon waiting for dawn to unfold. I anticipate confidence and beauty, change and fear, dwelling and restlessness - the mixture I've been getting most weeks, and one that never grows old. I love Jesus Christ. No white bread life for me, but one that's robust, flavorful, strong, nourishing. Amen.

1 1/2 years out of college and I'm technologically illiterate

Well, it feels that way anyway. I have just gone to Blogger beta on this site, and in the last week acquired a MySpace page and a Facebook page (I think it's facebook... maybe another such site... I can't remember) and don't really know how to use either of the two latter. Also apparently people get notified I'm on MySpace without my mentioning it to them, cause two of my friends have contacted me to be added to Friends. Thanks to them I have two friends :-) other than that my pages are daunting and blank. Yay. I feel like my mother, who recently wrote me that a year ago she couldn't even have spelled "laptop."

I celebrate technology outpacing me by eating a dinner of dark chocolate alternated with raw walnuts, the kind of meal that feels great going down but pretty foolish thereafter. But I was noticing today that over half of my diet is fruits and vegetables. There's a little whole grain bread, some chicken, nuts and seeds, occasional beef or seafood, and some sugar and chocolate and coffee. That's generally what I eat. Not too bad, I thought. I think for dessert I'll go have a piece of toast with half an avocado spread on it and slices of tomato and seasoned with salt, pepper, and cayenne :-)

So today I sat next to a snappily dressed young woman on the bus who was evidently a director of movies, and she was on the phone counseling a friend of hers who was trying to find a partner. The kind of partner to "be" with. (Don't you love euphemisms?) Sample sentence: "It's like you're casting the leading man in your own romantic movie." I don't want to get into details because the whole conversation left a bit of a grimace on my face but basically I came away thinking how messed up modern relationships are with the whole sexual freedom thing having come in and undermined the reasons for marriage, and also how Sydney it is to have women acting like they're lofty princesses for whom men must vie with each other for the privilege of pleasing and whose feet men must kiss. Jeez.

Today I also got my hair colored for $20 at a sweet funky salon that has won awards, cause Keryn's cousin works there and needs people to practice/play on for some course he's doing. He's good. My hair is darker brown now, which is good, but sadly still reddish, which I'm so sick of even though everyone says how well red becomes me. I want earthy and not so warm. I want normal boring Sandra Bullock/ Jennifer Lopez tone on tone brown hair. My new color also has trendy random blond highlights among the medium reddish brown, just a few, in the middle layers of my hair so only the ends show through. It's fine. It's not making me ecstatic but I am sure I'll get compliments on it, and it was certainly worth the price!

Today I also changed my earrings three times. Cuz I'm an earring junkie.

fragment

light

Keryn asked me the other day what was most important to me, what I needed. For herself she could not be whole without God, and her family, and dance. I replied, Jesus, community, and... I laughed as it came to me... sunshine.

What is it with light? What is so fascinating to me about it? The radiant golden floods of daylight that the early afternoon sun pours out is the kind of light I feel most at home in. It feels like home. It feels natural and comfortable, an outward match of what is inside me.

Some of my best times are directly related to the light. I hold precious the memory of the summer I spent working myself to exhaustion five days a week planting things at a garden center, because as the summer progressed I got in the habit of going to bed around 9pm and getting up at 5 to spend 45 minutes of free time in the newborn morning light with some black tea [laced with vanilla and maple syrup] and one of two Christian books that fed me that season. Being up before anyone else in the house is stirring has always been something I love, and though I can enjoy staying up late at night for the same reason that no one else is awake, the thin early sun is more than reason enough to make mornings my preferred time to lose sleep.

Walks coming home from work can, on certain shifts, hit sunset or dusk just right. Tonight, for example, the sun was setting back behind the city skyline in streaks of red and pink and orange and lavender. On the other side of the sky the moon was rising high over the ocean as it does every night, white luminescence against a deep blue backdrop. I probably spent as much time staring up at either side as I did where I was going. The moon does things to me. Makes my mind go a little bit spaced out. Lunatic. My friend Craig who spent five years in the bush with the aborigines doing nothing said he got so attuned to his body and the natural world around him that he could feel his breathing shift when the moon rose so that even if he was not in sight of the moon he knew when it came up.

apparently Prada = hell

I watched a movie tonight. That's right. The Devil Wears Prada. Now from what I can tell (contrary to frequent expectation I am totally out of it as far as knowing what's playing, esp. on tv) stuff hits Oz ages after it comes out in the US, so probably this film is long gone where you are. But I saw it tonight. And I was disturbed. Jennica, this post is for you, babe ;-)

So in this film Anne Hathaway plays a smart, pretty college grad who really wants to be a journalist [and write for liberal publications] but in the meantime she's paying the bills and making contacts working as a personal assistant for the editor-in-chief (Meryl Streep) of what is basically Vogue magazine, a job that lots of girls would kill for but she's not that into it. The movie spends most of its time depicting her increasing entwinement with her job as her boss calls her at all hours and the job slowly becomes her life, pushing out her friends, her boyfriend, blah blah.

Here's why I don't feel like I wasted my money: Anne Hathaway has got the most beautiful shape mouth, and her eyes stayed soft all through the NYC stress.

Here's why I was horrified (you may notice I took everything very personally):

-How can she race around in those heels all day? Her feet must be cramping up allll the time. and she must need a full body massage every day.

-why isn't she sick? I would be sick! I would be dying from stress after three weeks on this job. (actually I'd have quit it after two.) To quote Han Solo: No reward is worth this!

-even before she got all glam looking it said she was always behind on her rent- so now where is she getting the money for her expensive makeup, her taxis, her things she buys as part of the job?

-heels, uncomfortable clothing, no time to exercise, moving at a fast pace but with tense energy all day long, a boss who is only happy when her employees are panicked and/or suicidal, being told that size 6 is fat all day long, no time to eat, no time to invest in relationships, having to be a slave to your cell phone at all times, always on the point of being ready to jump when The Boss whispers and with an ear constantly strained to catch that whisper, never being thanked -- I hate corporate and I hate all that New York implies for me, thanks to this movie [right now].

-the fashion industry, while it may be a 30 billion dollar one, is founded on... nothing. Ok, it's founded on looks. but to paraphrase the boyfriend, "You gave up your friends, your family, for what? for shoes. for shirts. for belts." It's this bubble. It rests on nothing, and it doesn't notice. It exists, but it's in a loop, there's no Jesus or family ties or world-bettering legacy that even the world would acknowledge worthy that it's founded on. It's self-perpetuating, and it's hell.

-Anne Hathaway's character was dangerously close to basing her self-worth on being able to satisfy her boss, whether that was coming from her need for approval or her determination that she would show the dragon lady that she could do the job. Actually if I were in the same position as she was I'd have done a lot worse than her -- part of the reason I'd have quit after two weeks. The dread of it would have done me in, but her character didn't seem to have as much anxious need to please this remote queen of put-downs as I would have, which I found admirable. And when Anne finally got the "compliment" that Ms. Editor saw a lot of herself in Anne, it was only then that she, Anne, saw that that was not the road she wanted to be heading down.

- I was painfully reminded of my job with Dr. G and how I was essentially owned by her while I was at work. Had to do some of the same kinds of errand running and impossible call making too. But the pace was a lot more tolerable as Dr. G was about 25 years older than Meryl Streep's character.

-the boyfriend. how could she be unaware of the lack of relationship that was happening as she worked all these months at this magazine? how could she just not seem to notice that the only contact she and her guy had was sleeping together every now and then, despite the fact they live in the same apartment? that's not a relationship!! didn't this trouble her? didn't she at least miss it?

-is it really that easy to get back together? you go to paris and sleep with a player who's been flirting with you for months and then when you've made the revelation and thrown your cell phone in the fancy fountain and tell your bf you're really sorry, even though he just broke up with you last week you he can say it's okay, I just got a job in Boston, let's move there. That's it? No more discussion necessary? Either that guy is full of grace, or he's banking on a long history together proving itself worthwhile in the end, or inertia is easier and more comfortable. Jeez.

Then I rode home after waiting for my first bus for 40 minutes, and the second bus from Bondi Junction was crammed full of Friday night holidaymakers in states from tipsy to drunk and swearing. Remind me to take the back-route 389 home and not the 380 next time.

But now that I'm here, I am so relieved and grateful to live in the world I live in. I just went downstairs for some peppermint tea and Brian and Julie, the middle-aged couple who have let me live in their upstairs, were on the sofa watching an older period miniseries. Brian was sitting upright on the sofa and Julie was lying with her head on the sofa arm and her legs across Brian's lap, his arms around her knees. It was so great to see a couple married for that long lounging around like teenagers. Julie may sometimes remind me of Miss Bates from Emma, and her jumpers may have no style (ditto Brian's khakis) but you know what? I would be glad and grateful to be them in 40 years rather than beautiful empty Lucifer wearing Prada.

more love more music

Yesterday, Monday, was my day off of work. Sunday had hit about 34 (90 fahrenheit) so I took it as a personal insult when the temps dropped 20C overnight. My day off which was to be spent mucking about on the beach had to be transmuted into a couple hours at the beach wearing a sweater and jeans. I ate a lot of toast and butter yesterday and read an entire book, No Compromise: the life story of Keith Green. It's a book that will change my life if I let it get in me and don't just end up going oh yeah, great book, moved me to tears. I'm praying that I won't turn my heart off towards how deep it touched me.

Today I had a headache for half a day, and I practically never get headaches, so I took it as a personal answer to prayer that the weather continued to suck and be cloudy and cool because I did a 7 hour shift at Sabbaba and I really don't think I would have gone well if it had become busy. Work... I have this feeling that my bosses, the two owners of the cafe, don't like me. Or rather don't like to work with me. I'm not sure why, though I have a couple ideas. It can make it a bit dreadful to head to work some days (today was one of them) but generally it turns out better than the dread expects. Dread is the worst. Ricky the cook from Fiji has the best dreds I've ever seen.

I've been bringing a few of my own mix cd's to play at work now that the owner/ music dictator is in Europe for 3 weeks, and I am proud to say that I am not only putting Sabbaba through the school of rock, I am also infiltrating it with the occasional non-obvious worship song.
Jars of Clay
Something Like Silas
Badly Drawn Boy
Spock's Beard
Belle and Sebastian
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Jason Mraz
Maroon 5
Pixies
Radiohead
Gorillaz
Coldplay
etc.

Exciting is life, is it not.

thoughts that have crossed lately:
-where can I invest my life in ministry?!!
-oh my gosh I'm moving in less than 2 months
-man I wish I had real friends in San Diego
-I still have two books I borrowed from Ryan
-why can't I kick the angst today?
-one thing I've learned in Sydney is not to keep silent out of fear
-men can get very crabby when they have to ask for help
-in a bikini I'm just one more body on the beach
-I would feel guilty leaving Australia not having seen at least the Great Barrier Reef, but I don't have much inclination to plan to see it, what with plane ticket costs and already being sensitive to the little time I have left with my friends here
-how weird would it be if I went to Hillsong Leadership College and ended up marrying an Australian and living in Australia
-I miss drip coffee
-it is incredible that I live on a sunny second floor with four rooms and a kitchenette, can go for a run and a lie on the beach and a swim and work 8 hours all in the same day
-I think I have to find a new place to live in SD... don't think the old one is still available
-the LORD is my shepherd, there is nothing that I lack
-phone calls are backed up but at least I got through the emailing
-tonight is a chocolate night and I'm considering wine as well
-really need to vaccuum my living room
-sunshine IS redemptive

what you've been waiting for!

Pictures from Japan. Oh yes :-) Comments included on some photos. I think you can see my other album from Ryan's visit to Sydney too if you like. Let me know if it works. There should be about 45 pictures and the link should take you to the detail view, which lets you read photo titles and any descriptions I added.

for all you visual and otherwise curious people, click here.

with a digital camera you can afford to be silly

Australian still life: in this photo you will see
A) 80th Anniversary Commemorative Collectible Vegemite Glass [vegemite is a toxic war ration dark greenish-brown yeast spread that Aussies inexplicably eat like it's peanut butter. See this truly snort-laugh-worthy link for more information. go. now. you know you want to.]
B) mug of "Tasty" peppermint tea in Noah's Ark mug. Marketing is so touchingly simple here sometimes, the dear souls :)
C) money from my wallet. 1000 Japanese yen, 10 and 5 Australian dollars, 1 US dollar.
D) ZonePerfect bar. Notice the price tag, if your eyes are that good. YOWZERS!!! (or would it be "yowsers" in this country's spelling...) $3.50. Exchange rate notwithstanding (1 AUD = .75 USD) that is still really really expensive. And totally normal. This is the most expensive city I have ever been in. And you thought California was bad.

















and kids? oh yeah :) I'm going to Japan tomorrow.

some pictures

Mom wanted to see my dress.















Australia is pretty. This is Snowy River country, as in The Man From Snowy River. I went skiing for two days about an hour's drive from here.















Answered phones for two weeks at an accounting business. Supplementary income while the cafe was dead mid-winter.

Sometimes I miss San Diego. But then I realize that the occasional feelings of emptiness that make me want to go back to "my" supermarket, "my" beach, "my" traffic, existed in equal if not greater measure when I was in San Diego. How true it is that we take ourselves everywhere we go. A downer friend warned me against going to Australia, deriding what he saw as my irresponsible vagrancy, declaring how foolish it was to travel to find yourself. I actually didn't go abroad to find myself, but if I have moved in any direction spiritually since my arrival mid-April, I would have to say I have been (continuing to) find myself.

I've been very grateful for my friends this week. They've been good to me. Coming alongside in love, with grace, enjoying me for all that I am. Thank you.

Today I went into the water for the first time since June. I don't know how cold it was (remember, the seasons are switched here) but I spent a delightful 20 minutes in the water getting dragged around by the 4 foot waves and currents before starting to get chilly and lying in the cooling afternoon sun. I can say it was warmer than when I went in the ocean in Mexico last October though!

I have to figure out some effective way to turn the subject from myself when I meet new people. I've been here long enough that the instant they start asking, Oh, where are you from? Are you studying? What are you doing? How long have you been here? I get totally glazed and uninterested. It's like the questions during the first week of college, but it's been going on for almost 4 months. Actually, I don't know what I'm doing here :) but I'm interested to see what I'm doing next.

I'm ready for summer. And I swear that I can do anything when it's sunny.
SUNSHINE!!!!

shaken not stirred

Wish I had some bonds. Ok, I do have bonds. I have Jesus. I have amazing friends both locally and across the world. I have parents who love me. But - and there's always a but - it's been such an exhausting week, unsettled last three months, transient year and a half, I am aching for stability and monotony for its own sake.

This past week:
- second and final week of new temp job
- inaugural chick's prayer night at Pen's house
- dentist visit
- new adventures with public transport to strange places
- connect group restarting
- a bad night spent on my knees in prayer
- weird weird dreams
- acknowledging an ending
- move to a new place
- discover I'm highly allergic to something in the carpet there
- spur of the moment ski trip
- 7 hours on a night bus to the snow
- 2 days learning to ski with three (experienced) middle aged people from church
- jet [bus?] lag on the road trip back with them
- singing for 2 hours in the car
- sleep at Brian and Julie's instead of allergy house
- altitude headache and complete muscular exhaustion demands a day of being out of comission
- move things to Brian and Julie's

Places I have lived since coming to Sydney:
- Sydney Central Youth Hostel
- Sydney Railway Youth Hostel
- Bondi Beach Youth Hostel
- Ryan's aunt's house
- house on Wairoa Ave stuffed with transient backpackers
- housesitting for the assistant pastor of St. Andrew's
- housesitting for the head pastor of St. Andrew's
- allergy house
- Brian and Julie's
if you want to count the ski lodge, that makes ten places in three and a half months.

all too true

What Guys Think of Your Medium Curly Hair...

Artistic, friendly, and witty The type of girl he'll stay up until 3am talking to ... on the first date.

What Do Guys Think Of Your Hair?

subbaculchta

Australia's pretty Western. Pretty American. For the most part you can walk through a neighborhood or talk to people without particularly having cultural differences crammed down your throat. That's why when I do come across something noticeably different, and it's usually in the small things, it makes it that much more disorienting. Take nylons, for example. I've picked up a temping assignment for the next couple weeks because it's the dead of winter and things are slow at Sabbaba so I'm only working there weekends at the moment. This temp job has me doing receptionist work at a small accounting business and I needed some nylons to help expand my available wardrobe. So I go to the local department store and box after box of pantyhose contains... shaped stockings. I mean that when you hold them up they look like legs and feet. And have this odd texture that's almost coarse. And although they claim to have elastane you can hardly tell, so if your legs don't fill out the shape of the nylons you are cursed with bagging at the ankles. The state of Australia's nylons is about equivalent with that of America's in the 1950's. And yes. You could get them with garters if you wanted.

p.s. After a day of wearing weird saggy-ankled nonstretchy nylons I did finally find a pair of "super control" hose that are pretty much like normal nylons... though they have feet built in too.

I'm not a tourist, I live here!

my favorite, most startling perspective of the opera house


view from one of the parks in the middle of downtown Sydney


cool cityscape near Darling Harbour


Sydney Opera House and part of Circular Quay and some city skyline. Snapped from a water taxi that stopped under the Harbour Bridge for this photo op. Darling Harbour would be out of sight past the right-hand side of the picture.


Opera House and the beloved Rusty Coathanger, I mean bridge


chilled out roos


You could put this in a museum of modern art.


view from Bondi Beach north toward the golf course cliffs


view from golf course down toward the beach which is just around that cliff


ditto view with the beach in sight


looking north from the golf course cliffs


yeah :) it's beautiful here.

soul flights

It was like a movie. I stood frustrated in my living room, thirsting to throw color onto a canvas and having none of the tools available to do that, not even the knowledge of how to get some paint. I called Craig and he gave me the name of an art supply store just a few blocks away so I donned my coat and strode down the hill to Bondi Art Supply. With a slightly wild intense look in my eye I asked the clerk to help me find the paper I needed and soon walked out with $25 worth of cheap but decent poster paints, brushes (including one "splurge" soft acrylic-bristled 1" flat) and paper. Happier but still intent, I headed for home when the scent of fresh cookies detoured me briefly into a kosher bakery where I bought two warm chocolate-chocolate-chip cookies which I munched as I walked. Home again, I filled a glass with paint water, rolled up my metaphorical sleeves, and spent a theraputic hour speaking in color along with a burning worship soundtrack.

After I'd painted I played with my digital camera and somehow got this shot.

sorry it's been so long!

Y'all have probably quit checking this blog since it's been weeks...
I have A LOT to catch up on. I may or may not actually get around to posting it all, but I can at least get some of it in over the next couple days. Today I will post... PICTURES!!! my mummy and daddy sent me a digital camera that arrived the day before Ryan and so I was able to visually capture some stuff in Sydney and Ry's visit. I will disclaim that the majority of the pictures I'll be posting here are actually taken by Ry. Cause he's a better photographer than I am! He actually has almost the same camera as me so he was able to explain the buttons and functions for me, how cool is that? When we were down at Circular Quay by the Opera House I was taking pictures of a seagull on a cafe table umbrella and I turn to him and ask, "Why on earth am I taking pictures of a seagull??" and he replies, "I was asking myself the same thing. But I thought, [in a Yoda voice] the camera, new it is to her."

ok, I'll start with the "my favorites" set and then maybe do animals, bondi, and tourism posts later. and catch up on the other stuff too.


My cliffs at the golf course. I love going here.



Ryan and his aunt and cousin and I went to the koala petting zoo one morning.







and a couple of Ryan





that's all for now, more to come shortly!

first thing this morning

I served a guy in his 30's with a short mowhawk and multipiercings and when I asked if he wanted the value meal he said with an Aussie accent in the friendliest casual way, "No, fuck, baby, I don't believe in value."

In other, unrelated news, my head's all stuffy, I move across the street tomorrow morning,

and

6 days.

fullness found

It's been 1 year since my arrival in San Diego last June 14.

Here's what my Abba provided for me very materially this week:
a free winter coat
a free place to move into for a little while (literally next door, no less)
extra work hours

Today I was:
-excited to make Craig, a new Christian and a musician, mp3 CD's of good Christian music before he gets ahold of all the bad Christian music out there
-joyful because I scheduled a hair appointment in a salon for the first time in about a year and a half
-happy looking forward to Ryan's impending visit
-expansive because it was such a beautiful sunny blue warmish day and I had the day off
-relaxed as I ambled along in the sunshine
-lively with my girls at connect group

lovin' it

dance pop reigns supreme

Ok, folks. Consider this your first photo from Australia. So my manager is going to London and Stockholm on Friday to record songs because he won this Australia-wide contest, right? As we were listening to Nic's latest demo, a track called The Long Way Home, during cleanup at Sabbaba last night and I complimented Nic on his song, he gave me his MySpace address. So now you can have a look at my Ricky Martin lookalike model singer manager and even hear him sing. LOL

nic at night

get ready for galactic expansion

hott. hottt. hotttt.

Don't you get totally jazzed looking at that list of pictures on the sidebar? Oh my gosh, you guys. I don't know. Once you go global there's no going back. I LOVE it. Yeah, I was in Edinburgh, Scotland for 2 weeks and driving all over Turkey for a month. (actually that means I've been going abroad once every two years for the last six years, and that's not counting the annual pilgrimages to Stratford, Ontario's Shakespeare Festival or the three trips to Mexico while I was in San Dog.) but it's different actually living in another country. Like earning money and going to the grocery store and hanging out with friends regularly. One of those things I'd heard about but couldn't know about till I did it myself. It's so exciting. Sky's the limit from now on, you know? if I can go halfway around the world I can go the other halfway around the world.

I'm not really thinking about what I'm going to do after my 5 or 6 months I planned for Australia, but I am definitely allowing thoughts to come to me. right now everything's like Hey, yeah! that's a possibility! here are some of them:
-Nieu Communities in Vancouver or Glasglow
-Bible college at Hillsong
-move back to San Diego
-move back to the US to some other city than San Diego
-go to Paris, perhaps in connection with the church Hillsong planted there
-apply for Australian citizenship
-get a job sponsorship that would give me a 4 year work visa here

There's so many options. While waiting for the shuttle bus to Hillsong Women yesterday I got to talking with Lucrece, also from the US, and she told me information I hadn't heard of about how to get tourist visas from 6-12 months long and how to be allowed to work on a tourist visa. I'd only been aware of a 3 month tourist visa during which you cannot work. And Craig told me about how when he was 20 he was going to uni in London and doing the grind to climb the corporate ladder in advertising and then took a three week holiday in Spain and stayed 5 1/2 years. so I have no idea where God will choose to direct me, but isn't it all FUN??? Wow!! Is she ever coming back, folks? I don't know, but thankfully He does and I don't have to worry about it :-)

time travels

"Anticipation is a messy feeling. With anticipation you just don't feel a one-dimensional emotion, you feel like 80 things being stirred, mixed and blended inside of you."

It's official. Ryan is flying into Sydney International Airport the morning of June 24.

the numbers
it will be:
11 months since we met
6 1/2 months since we last saw each other
1 day before my birthday
7 days of leave
11 months left in the Navy

how do i feel? pick any of the following. I've hit them all already. excited - happy - freaked out - nervous - joyful - stressed - chill - victorious - weak - panicked - confused - content - resentful - strong - attractive - comfortable - glad - adventurous - trusting.

man. i feel like a woman.

counting them

I found myself some beautiful leather boots for my birthday (June 25 I'll be 23).

Ryan lost his ATM card in Thailand and wrote me about how it brought the eternal perspective to him with such immediacy and beauty that it brought tears to my eyes.

Anneli is on her way to do disaster relief in New Orleans.

Craig encouraged me that I'm an extremely grounded person with right foundations and so even though I'm young and currently living a life blown around by the wind, this is the only time I'll have to do that and I'm doing it really well.

Amy and I skyped yesterday.

I talked to my parents for the first time in about three weeks and spent nearly two hours on the phone with them.

Lunch after church at St. Andrews was true fellowship around a delicious meal shared together.

Coffee after church at Hillsong Women was companionable and intimate time shared between loving girlfriends.

My community is in three or four locations and about five timezones, and though I am aware of the strain of this fragmentation it is ok right now. It is where I am right now.

Sometimes I can't stand the emptiness of the space between my own breaths. Sometimes I have these moments where I feel like the waiting, the not knowing, the excruciating slowness is too much for me to endure. But I look at my life and I find it blessed, and full, and missional. I take up the next thing in front of me and try to live in faithfulness and action. And the joy I have found is like nothing on earth. May it spill over and show them God.

untitled

Things are different before a storm. The light goes faintly green and all of a sudden the frames of your doors of perception are slanted enough to make everything changed. You look through this watery light at the faces of people you knew and they seem both clearer and more indistinct. What you knew is brought into question and what you did not know is become obvious. The buildings are different, too. One garden gate bangs restlessly, no longer content to be a welcoming entrance. It wants to seek the world itself, not merely receive those who have seen places it cannot go. My curls have changed as well, becoming both more tender and more fierce. It is the rain in the air that softens them, bends them gently to the hand that strokes, but it is the wind, the textured wind, that lifts them from limp compliance into a substantial living independence.

There is no one to share this with. In telling it cannot be conveyed, it is for me and me alone. When the sun in all its straightforwardness shines tomorrow I will once more be blue skied blue eyed, and yet these slanted layers of subtlety will remain tucked in some corner of my mind to bloom out again, richer than before, in the next graygreen storm light. I will remember how it was true.

After the disaster that was Wednesday night the last thing I expected was for Nic to call me at 10:30 the next morning and ask me to come in at 12, thereby giving me another 7 hours, and then again another 1.5 today, but that's exactly what happened. I figure the Lord works in mysterious ways, and he answered all that prayer :)

Last night a woman I met at St. Andrew's invited me over to her boyfriend's house for dinner for the three of us, then a fourth friend dropped in, then we all drove back into Bondi for a community concert fundraiser for a homeless shelter. I had fun hanging out with people in a casual setting and just chatting about stuff, and then the concert was good. I don't mean it was a good concert - there were about 8 groups I heard and talent varied from okay to truly good, but after a bit I sank into appreciation mode and became willing to receive what I could from the musicians. Even the a cappella choir singing songs from the 60's about pollution. My friend Craig was one of the acts and he sang three of his own songs, accompanying himself on piano. Vocally he sounds a lot like Rufus Wainwright only not so depressed, and the piano part reminded me of Ray Charles, intimate jazz.

So it was cool. I had thoughts provoked and talked about things with God and finished off the night sitting on the cliffs near my house singing songs at the moon.

full on

I've been whingeing about my job for the last couple days trying to figure out how to snaggle more hours. I still love my job. I just don't love working 20 hours a week. Finally today I decided to just start handing out resumes to other places to work, hopefully (best scenario) getting a second part-time job in the mornings and working at Sabbaba afternoons and evenings. But I also decided to try to ask for more hours every time I have a shift this week, just put it out there as Nic's signing us out so that he gets it in his head. So I planned to be extra brilliant and cheerful and perceptive and handle everything with alacrity to prepare the way for making him glad to give me extra hours.

And of course, everything that could go wrong went wrong. I've never, ever had a shift like this at Sabbaba. I've never had stress affect me. Even when it's nuts I'm quite merry. But not tonight. I messed up a couple orders, sure, and one badly, but here was the main thing: as far as Nic's concerned, I broke the cash register (I didn't really but hey, what do my excuses matter) so we had an hour of understaffed crazy-mad-rush time with no register, just him and me. There was this palpable black cloud hanging over him and I was like, Beware of lightning bolts. Nic's really a sweet tempered guy, too, so when he said to me, "You'll just have to handle your own orders for now. Don't ask me any more questions because I can't talk to you," I was like, oh crap. I'm going to get fired. Thanks to my last job I've acquired the skill to breathe normally and speak normally (i.e. act professionally) when the stress is squeezing my insides dry, but my brains do slow down a bit and of course that's not great during a mad-rush time with your manager furious at you - it just compounds everything.

By the time my break came around Natalie had come in and Nic was recovering his temper though I still felt completely in disgrace, and I just made my falafel to take home instead of eating on my break. I ran for my whole breaktime. Speaking Gospel truth to myself. Breathing the name Yahweh as I breathed out. Naming myself clothed in righteousness and a daughter and claiming promises, and when I was done my armor was thick again and I could bounce and smile once more. Nic was pretty much all better too, and by the end of the shift he could share excitedly with me about this holiday he's taking in a few weeks and tease me, "Look what you did," when a bag I handed to a customer across the counter knocked the straws onto the floor.

But still. It was not the night to ask for more hours.

These are the guys who live across the street from me. One of them came to sit on the deck railing about four feet from me as I talked to Anneli on the phone this morning.



Rainbow lorikeets, in case you wondered :)

rocks harder than diamonds

This weekend was so terrific. Friday night I hung out with four girls at Shannon's apartment and we watched one of those weird foreign art films that just got too strange so we quit in the middle. I slept over and it was beautiful to wake up Saturday and sip tea in the morning sun in Shannon's living room with a couple of great girls. Then I worked and when I got off I went to the beach because the moon was rising as the sun was setting - WOW!!! Walked in the twilight for an hour, came home, went for a run (my first since moving here) and watched a bit of a movie with my housemates before sleeping for almost 11 hours.

Sunday, gosh, too much amazing stuff to detail. Church in the morning at the groovy little Anglican place down the road, met people, it's a happy friendly Bible teaching Jesus following place with really good espresso drinks made back of the pew seating section, pastor has a long ponytail and plays acoustic guitar, really solid meaty teaching, really solid present people. Oh, and the yard next door where the wild parrots live? I met the people who live there!

Church in the afternoon from The Rock via podcast while soaking up the sun and the corner of an ocean view we have from my house's back balcony. Mmmm.

Church in the evening at Hillsong where I am now officially involved in ministry, part of Shannon's team that invites people to Hillsong Women so I get to just connect up with girls I see who look a bit lost or by themselves and stuff, and just chat, and bring up Hillsong Women if it seems natural and tell them how awesome it is. Blessing other women as I was blessed. Love it love it love it. I got to talk with a girl who accepted Christ during the service, and it was awesome!!!!!! Also I finally found two people who are going to help me find what I can do volunteer-wise with Hillsong in Bondi. YAY!!!

I'm bananas for Jesus.

I'm not real big on signs, but...

So two days ago I posted about wanting to be more active in stuff here, and listed some thoughts I had for how to do that. I published my post and walked out the door to see what was in the neighborhood where I could be a cheerful helping hand doing whatever was needed. And three minutes down the road from my house I notice an Anglican church, St. Andrew's. The door was locked, Wednesday 1:30pm, but I paused for two seconds to read the notice board next to the entryway. This is when the too-many-coincidences-to-be-coincidences began to happen.
1. A man (Craig) immediately arrives and unlocks the door and invites me in.
2. I introduce myself and my mission and Craig offers two things they need help with: making espresso drinks for the single-moms creche on Tuesdays, and the music ministry, of which he is head. (I came to Sydney with the intention of working at a coffee shop, and I've just recently decided that I want to help women, and obviously I sing.)
3. Craig invites me to sing with him and Nicole right then and there. The first song he pulls out is Summertime. The song I almost always sing when someone randomly asks me to sing something.
4. Darren is introduced to me. Darren is just getting a ministry for backpackers off the ground. I, being a backpacker, am drafted to help.
5. The next person who comes in is told, "This is Julie. She was sent to us by God."

So today was St. Andrew's Thursday morning "Cafe Harmony" featuring free coffee and free music. I got to sing jazz for three hours. Wow. Wow. And it's literally three minutes away. My community church!!! Expect the unexpected where God is concerned.

life to the full

I am excited to say that I think I want to plunge full-on into life here in Sydney. As many of you know, my jobs and activities the last many months have left me with lots of free time. I'm now ready to be more occupied than I have been since I left college. First off I'm going to ask for more hours at work, or possibly find a second job. Secondly I'm going to try to get deep into ministries or volunteering at Hillsong Church. I'm a bit limited in that I don't have a car and church is in the city, a bus and a train ride away. So I'm also going to see if local churches have anything I could help out with as well. Thirdly I'm going to pursue friendships with some of the awesome girls I've met at Hillsong and also try to meet people from Hillsong who live in my suburb. I want your ideas too! I want to put my heart and my mind and my hands to use to bless others as I have been blessed. I'm eager but undirected.

Today as I was putting on makeup there came a pounding at the door. I leaned out the window and shouted, Just a second! When I'd pulled on a sweater and gone to unlock the door I found two men in blue shirts on the stoop. "We're detectives from the New South Wales police force," one of them said, flashing a badge. "Is Robert X at home?"
Turns out Rob's family hadn't heard from him in a month, he wasn't answering his cell phone, and they were very worried that something had happened to him. "Oh," I said. "Well, I saw him night before last, he cleaned the kitchen. He seems fine. He works at Darling Harbour at some restaurant. He's gone most of the time. I think I'm the only one in the house right now. No, I don't have his number or the name of where he works. I've only lived here a week. Yes, I'll leave him your card and a note to call you the minute he gets back no matter what time it is." The detectives took my mobile number and shortly thereafter I got a message from a constable asking me to call him back so he could ask me some more questions about the details of when I last saw Rob. However, before I returned his call I discovered at noon while trying to slip a note under his door that Rob had been asleep in his room the whole time. So I handed him the note and business card and told him I was passing on the responsibility to phone the police and/or his parents and tell everyone he was still alive. He groaned. "My mum's just ridiculous. And my sister knows my mobile's broken. OK. Cheers." "You're welcome," I said.

It's funny because up until this morning I had not seen a single police car or policeman since I arrived in Australia. And now I meet hired detectives flashing their badges at me, looking for my flatmate.

comfort me with raisin cakes

Nic. the night shift manager. who looks like Ricky Martin. is awesome. because he buys organic dried figs and sultanas and offers to share. and yesterday (my second day in a row of double shifts that resulted in a twenty-hour weekend) after four hours of nonstop mad rush at work he waves this carryout 4-cup holder thing with a single drink in it under my nose and asks diffidently, Julie, do you want a latte? Nic! I said. I would love a latte. That would be brilliant.
(No, he doesn't like me; I'm pretty sure he's gay.)

Ricky's music therapy cafe oasis

So I work as a waitress/ falafel maker/ counter girl at Sabbaba, a corner café open for lunch and dinner, owned by Israelis, staffed by people from all over the globe, serves mainly falafel and kebabs in pitas or on a plate. I really like work. The sign outside says Sababba. Food. Music. Friends. And this post is about the music.

During the day shift (12-5) Ortal and Ayelet generally are working and they play what seems like the same three remix cd’s over and over and there’s some terrible stuff, like this one that goes Hey child, stay wild, or one that goes Don’t say a prayer for me now / save it for the morning after, in this very morose sappy 80’s pop-ballad style. And then after 5 Nic the night shift manager takes over and it shifts to ultra-synth-dance stuff occasionally intermixed with Fleetwood Mac or Dido or the like.

But during the day shift, take five strides to land you in the kitchen and wow. Ricky’s music therapy oasis. Ricky is the day cook. He’s from Fiji (our night cook being Aziz from India) and has been growing his dreds for five years. I already knew Ricky had wicked taste in music, and if he was playing it, it was pretty certain I was going to like it. Pink Floyd. Check. A little REM. Check. Reggae. Check. And today… today was God’s gift to me in the form of Welcome to Ricky’s music therapy cafe, today we’re serving all your favorites cause we know you need them. I’d never heard Ricky play any of this stuff before but here it was, The Doors followed by Red Hot Chili Peppers. OHHH yesss. Riders on the Storm, Touch Me, Backdoor Man, Break on Through. Even before I fell over in astonishment to hear Jim Morrison’s vocals out back I’d volunteered to wash dishes for a half hour just so I could soak up Ricky’s reggae (what’s the name of that song that goes “What I really want to know / oh my baby / what I really want to say” – we had a blast harmonizing to it), then when he started playing Doors and RHCP I would do my job up front in the foggy atmosphere created by my depressed mood, Ayelet’s bad mood and Ortal’s bad music until I had to go surface in the kitchen to let Jim’s sedated hedonism breathe fresh life into me. And then Over the Bridge, Otherside, Parallel Universe. And it was Good.

something about being here

One of the Irish boys has put a pair of pants in the freezer with a note on the door saying Please don't move the jeans, M.

I discovered what birds are making all the noise in the mornings. It's just the wild parrots in the neighbor's tree.

The thing I miss most about the States is the existence of the letter R in speech.

There're these cliffs all around the wiggly coastline in the Sydney area, including where I am in Bondi in the eastern suburbs, and last night I was restless and pensive and sad so I went for a walk and a think. I ended up at the shaggy-grassy coastal golf course that's five minutes away (you can just walk onto the green, and it was unlit so no one was trying to golf) and lay on the rocks five feet from the unfenced cliff egde and the sixty foot drop to the sea. Stared at the stars. prayed. and finally took off my shoes and danced in the dark wind.

I am loving it here.

welcome!

new place, new light, new beginnings, new blog.